“The only real treasure is in your head. Memories are better than diamonds and nobody can steal them from you”

Hello.
I've been MIA from this blogging world and believe me, this time it was not because I have nothing to say. It was the other way around. A lot has happening in my life and this magical whirlwind is kind overwhelming me. I want to say a lot of things but also I want to say nothing. 

This time I want to share about my feeling towards some of my memories. What is memory? memory is something remembered from the past. A recollection of events that has been saved in your brain and can come up anytime you allow them to. There are good memories and bad memories. They can come up and haunt you anytime. Not only in your sleep but also when there's something that reminds you about those memories. I believe something become a memory because those things are stored in your brain as something special. That is why it can easily comes up especially when it's a good memory.

From the past week I experienced some events in my life that become quite memories to me. I still can't decide though if it's good or bad memories. Because when I remember them, I can feel really happy, wonderful, and sometimes can't believe that all those things happened but also really glad that all those things happened. But I'm confused as to why something like that only exists in my memory now when I know it could easily happen again in real life. What's the difference? I feel like I'm in twilight zone, and sometimes I feel so thankful to the person who gave me those memories for me to reminisce but also I want to strangle him because he gave them to me only to leave me confused as to why all those things happened then and can't happen now. You're probably really confused because I speak rather cryptically but I just want this to never become a problem to anybody but mine. Because those are my memories and even though there's someone who give them to me, I know that it's probably something that is not relevant to him or just something that is not worth remembering but obviously it's not the case for me. I still can go back and recall every single thing that happened in detail. Maybe because those things are stored in my brain as something special? I don't know. But do I really want to remember them as something special? probably.

In the end I feel like I should really be thankful for those memories. Because at least it happened once and I can still hold on to those things as long as I want to. Because memories are only for you to keep and nobody can steal them away from you. Maybe I should also be thankful to the person who gave them to me. It was unforgettable. You know who you are. Or not. Whatever. Bye.

Tata, xx

(For those who wondering the quotes on the title of this post is from Rodman Philbrick)

“People can tell you to keep your mouth shut, but that doesn't stop you from having your own opinion.” ― Anne Frank

I’ve been wondering about something quite a lot these days. Do people realize what an opinion is? Opinion is something that you believe in I suppose. An opinion isn't right or wrong. It's your interpretation of a subject or situation. People can’t be wrong to have an opinion. So for that, an opinion is not a fact. Each people have their own opinion. Something they believe in and something that they can stand up for so they will not fall for just about anything. You probably have noticed that lately a lot of people have been abusing their freedom on the internet. Just because it’s their account so that they believe they have the liberty to write about anything and people can’t do a thing about it because it’s their opinion. It’s true in some way. But sometime they force their opinion on people because they believe what they say is true and people should believe it too. They will preach and rant about something but in a way that makes people uncomfortable and feel judged. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. They believe that the people who are not hold or believe the same value as they do are wrong and they are right so they are entitled to “teach” us who are different with them with their rant and to me it’s just so wrong.

As for me, my belief, my opinion towards something, or my standard in something is just something that is only for me to know and hold. Well, it’s true in some way, in other way sometimes we also have to tell people our opinion in something so that they know that we stand for what we believe in, we have personality, and that we are not just some sheep that always follow another sheep. Oh whatever I’m talking about. You get me. People don’t need to believe what I believe or hold the same value as I do or have the same standard in something just like myself because I don’t expect them to and we can still be friends and I won’t judge them. I mean it’s nice to have the people who hold the same value and have the same opinion as we do around but I don’t have to force my opinion on other people so when people do, I get irritated and just annoyed. Opinion don’t have to be right to someone else but it has to be right for yourself because it’s what you believe in and it’s your interpretation of subject or situation and you can tell how a person view the world by their opinion. A quote from Mark twain that is so spot on “I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.” I’m not the kind of people who are just so easily follow and believe something that people tell me but I’m far from narrow minded. I am human and absolutely makes mistake. So I‘m always open for suggestion, opinion, critics, and new knowledge but at the end of the day, what I will take and apply in my life is something that is for me to decide and people don’t have a say in it because it’s my life. I honestly only value the opinion of people who are actually matter to me such as my parents, family or friends who are actually know me and care about me. Other than that I won’t care about what you say. You are who you are and I am who I am. So those people who are always rant about something on their twitter or whatever and acting like they are above people who are not holding the same value as they do are just annoying. And no, with your passive- aggressive tweet you don’t look smart nor do you look wise. You are just irritating to me.

There’s a quotes from Hillary Clinton that said “I also learned that a person was not necessarily bad just because you did not agree with him, and that if you believed in something, you had better be prepared to defend it.” So I learned a long time ago that I will respect other people opinion especially the one that is different from mine and not judge them because it’s their right to speak up their opinion and I want others to respect mine. We can agree to disagree in opinion but at the end of the day you just have to stand for what you believe in. But don’t forget to keep your mind open so that you will learn from other’s opinion and aware of your mistake. I just don’t want to be the kind of people that always forces their opinion on others and be annoying about it.

“If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. You know, don’t be the kind of people who are always have opinion towards other people’s life like it’s your job to comment on them meanwhile you don’t have the slightest bit idea of how to live yours. Just mind your business. Also people these days take this social media thing way too seriously. I mean, dude relax. And the anonymity that the social media can offer tends to make people say something without thinking even though their words can hurt people and start problem. Be careful people. Take it easy. These things are supposed to be a fun thing. And remember opinion is not something you can force on people. Just do whatever you have to do and believe whatever you want to believe in and cherish your life don’t care about other. “Don’t care” in here is not the kind of “don’t care” when you are being a jerk, heartless, and narrow minded. The last thing, I hope I make sense. Haha.

Goofing off!

My afternoon with the brother

We had such a long and boring afternoon, It could be seen by the amount of selfies we took and I'm not going to upload all of them obviously. It's kind of embarrassing to be honest but well we were that bored waiting for iftar even though I wasn't fasting hah. 

Excuse us. xo

My personal therapy

In a serious need of a new journal.
Blog is great but I can't always post stuff in here because I don't always connect to internet, I still love the feeling of using gel pen and paper, and the last, sometimes I want to write something that is just too personal to type in here. It's not like I have so much reader on my blog or anything. Oh well you get me. Anyway there is just so much stuffs that I want to write but I have no journal because the last one is full already.

If you don't know, I've been writing on a journal since I was a kid. My first diary was when I was in 3rd grade elementary school and I still have it until now. The cover of my first ever diary is F4 or what you called Fantastic four. You remember them? That's right. Meteor Garden. Hahah. I got it from my teacher as a gift because I got the first rank in class. It started out as a silly thing. I would write about these random fact about my self and also about all my friends and their random facts. And as the time progressed, my writing turned out into something more personal. Like when I was having a bad day or when I was annoyed with one of my friends or even when I had a crush on someone. After that, writing on a diary or journal has become my thing. I was always have a diary so when I had something to tell I could always write.

Now, writing have become one of my personal therapy. Some girls find shopping as their therapy when they are having a bad day but I would just lock my self in my room, listening to my playlist and then write. It's not like I don't like shopping because I do. But not as much as the frequency of a shopper to the point that you call me shopaholic. Nope. I would just write. I would write about almost everything that happens in my daily life. My diaries are my secret keeper and the best part is they won't ever tell. Not only my personal therapy but writing is a hobby to me. I'm not only writing about my personal life. Sometimes I write about global issues that is interesting for me. Sometimes I write poems and short stories. I tried several times writing lyrics but it didn't really end up well so I stopped haha.

One day I wish I could become a writer and would find my own book on a shelf in the bookstore and have people tell me that my book is inspiring or I hope help them in some way. Just like some writers helped and inspired me with their book.

Serenity

It's Saturday night.
I'm currently in my room listening to a bunch of mellow songs and also the rain as it patters outside. It's cold so I'm also sitting with a blanket on as I type this. I feel at ease like this. It's soothing me. It's funny that something as simple as a pitter-patter of the rain can makes me happy. Hiding under my blanket and singing along to a song makes me feel contented. It' a proof that happiness is easy.

Happiness doesn't have to be something extraordinary and you can find happiness anywhere and anytime. You don't have to wait for something to happen or someone to make it happen. Feeling grateful and just thankful with your life can also makes you happy.

So, rather than waiting for something to make you happy, I suggest you to just notice and be aware about the simplest thing in your life that will make you feel eternally grateful to just be here and live.

Happy Saturday, enjoy your weekend in this Holy month!

Tata.

Chameleon soul

"The thing I’m most afraid of is me. Of not knowing what I’m going to do. Of not knowing what I’m doing right now."

I found this Haruki Murakami quotes from one of his books.
It got me thinking. It got me, for once, to think about my self.

For all my life I convince my self to believe that I've got it all planned out. I know what I'm going to do, I know what I like, I know what I've gotten my self into. And for a brief moment in my life, I'm sure about life. I'm sure about future and I'm sure about my self. Who I am. What I'm doing right now. What I'm going to do. All those reassurances implanted the idea in my head that life is that certain journey that you're going to live just as the way you imagine it. As the way you've planned it. I never thought that life would be easy. It's just that, I thought life would be a certain thing. Something that already been arranged for you and you just have to live it.

That brief moment in my life was over. And I know realize that nothing is certain. Nothing is planned for you. Your life is depended on you. As the realization sink in, fear starts to creep in. I believe that I have plan. I have a dream. A lot of it. I have a goal that I want to accomplish in my life. But at the same time, I fear the uncertainty. I fear the feeling of lost. And in the end, I fear the life itself and I'm afraid of my self. I sometimes think that I have a chameleon soul. Full of indecisiveness and uncertainty. Sometimes I think I have somewhere to go but sometimes I think I don't know where to go. No compass in my life pointing to somewhere. Sometimes I think I know what to do but then sometimes I also think nothing is worth doing. In that moment of uncertainty that I fear my life the most. Especially when I see other people seems to know what they are doing. Then I starts to questioning my self about life and all that stuff. 

The thing is, I just want to live. I just want to do something that makes me happy and makes my life worth living. I may fear all those things, but also realize that those fear are what keeps me on my toes. Keeps me from slacking. I don't want to see those dreams of mine dashed and divided into million pieces. I want to see those dreams sparkling along with those stars in the night sky. My wish is that I just want to be happy and content with my life. To be doing something that I'm supposed to be doing. To be wild and free. To create a life where I can be my self and be happy and to make all my darkest fantasies come to life.

tata.

A friendly reminder

You don't have to take anything too seriously. In fact you need to chill tata.

Shit happens

The moment when you realize that you weren't supposed to say something.

The moment when you completely hate your self because of it.

The moment when you just wish you could turn back the time.

So yeah I did something stupid. Or say something stupid actually. Happens to me a lot honestly and I have no idea why. Like when I thought I should never say something but I said it anyway because I thought "Meh, I'm just messing around, no big deal, no one's gonna care" but then boooom something happened and my words were being interpreted completely different than I was intended to then I was like "shit! That is not what I mean" but the most annoying part is when I couldn't say anything because I don't know how to explain it. So yeah I'm just sitting here completely out of my mind. Frustrated. Confused. And hating my self. I know being like this is not going to help me. It's not going to change the fact that I'm wrong again. But you should know the feeling of being hopeless. That is what I feel right now. Like I don't know what to do. What to say. What to expect from this. I. JUST. DON'T. KNOW. One thing I do know though, my words will be hold against me. Tonight, I'm hoping for all the things that is holy that something that I think is going to happen is not going to happen but if it happens then I just have to suck it up, have a good cry, try to forget it and move on because shit happens. And this is life. 

I never thought..

Stumbled upon this on the internet while I'm on tumblr 

and had this sudden urge to post it on my blog

Since it's kind of portray my feeling

Not kind of, but absolutely.

Its official, I'm screwed. Screwed in the nicest way possible.

If only.. ♥♥♥♥♥

Good evening!

Woke up in the evening and the first thing that comes to mind is..

The first song that I was listening to is..

Stop this train

and this is what I did when I woke up because.. again, I'm a troll

I wish I could.

The things I wish I could say to some people right now: 

• Hey, why the cold shoulder? what did I do wrong? I just think you misinterpreted things.
• Your ego must be so big right now and all for the wrong reason.
• You NEED to stop, seriously.
• You're lame, dude.
• I am sorry but don't worry I won't forget :)
• I don't know which side of you that is totally the real you. You know what I mean?
• It's mine and I will prove it if its really necessary.

I wish I could say those things to those people. But then again its better to just indirectly tell them and have things bottled up inside so I can say I'm frustrated right? No, I'm not being sarcastic. Pfffttt!

A message for boys from Harvey Milk (or from me to you)

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really." - Harvey Milk

Bonne nuit!

If you have just a little room in the corner of your heart, save it from me. Because I'm not asking much, Here's a SONG for you. And a little selfies from me because I'm a troll 

Bonne nuit, fais de beaux rêves. adieu. xx

Just do it!

Have you ever regretted something that you feel like you just want to smack your face or bang your head against the wall or throw yourself into a pool of acid? Okay that was some exaggeration going on. The point is, when you just want to go back to a certain moment and back up the whole scenario so it would end up differently. I Have. In fact, It happened today. Specifically tonight. Someone started a conversation with me but I didn't respond to it because at first I kind of just like wondering do I know you? Have we ever met before? Do we have some mutual friends? And then I ended up thinking about it for an hour instead of asking to that person directly until he is gone. And then when he's gone I sat there thinking wow how could you be so stupid? why didn't you just ask him? He was nice enough to start a conversation with you. Then maybe it would end up with something nice, or something horrible, or just something really boring. Who knows? You know what? I will never find out because I lost the moment. Because I  always over thinking every single thing. I spend too much time in my head. Wondering what, who, where, when, why, and how without realizing that sometime you just need to do it. Sometime act spontaneous is needed. And its more fun  that way. And sometime its good to not have an expectation when you just do it and end up with something unexpectedly good. You know what they say. "You Only Live Once" And its true. Because when you lost something and then you realize that you will never get it again, all that left behind is regret. And let me tell you , regretting something is suck. So, you can take a lesson or two from my stupidity tonight. Sometimes you just need to DO it!

P.S: To the person, If you, by any chance read this, Can we start over? ;)

Intermezo

I'm about to post something so unimportant but...

I just got a new hair cut! and yes its kind of short but I think I love it. xx