:)

Enough

I just want you to know that I'm still holding on to your promise

 The only thing that proves me 

once there was something going on between us

Though, I'm not going to force myself into your life

I understand enough that you probably see me just like another

So I genuinely willing to just accept the fact that we don't belong

 But just so you know

I admire you enough to will always wish you the best.

Because I believe you deserves the best

You are a good guy

At least I know enough to tell them that

For once upon a time you were my life saver

I'm forever grateful

As about that promise, Once you told me that

you were trying to be a grown man

And you were going to talk to me to prove me that

I never once asked you to do that

So I still don't know what it was that you were trying to prove

Now I'm still waiting

But I care about you enough to understand

that it's almost impossible to happen

I'm stupid 

Because it seems like I will be waiting for nothing

But at least I have something to hold on to

For me, its enough.

Tata.

I just am and You just are

This kind of thing is just never being planned. I never wanted this. Because I knew, I knew the feeling of being hopeless. Not knowing what to do. But at the same time going through all these feelings and layers of emotion that makes me want to just crawl and shut out the world. I never knew how to handle this particular emotion when you feel like you just need the existence of somebody because their existence alone is that matter to you. I long for your presence, your voice, and basically just you. I still can’t do a thing because everything seems just not right. A conversation seems absolutely impossible when there’s no willing participant who wants to be the first one to start it. Let alone talk about something personal to actually know each other. A simple “How are you?” turns out to be the biggest conundrum because we are that separated. We live in a completely different world. You are still contented while I am not anymore because how much I want to delve into your world.

The iridescent of emotions that I've been feeling typify the kind of emotions that you put me through. Blue, when I suddenly miss your presence even though we were never that close. Red, a burning desire when I realize that I do admire you more and more each day, Pink, a soft touch of melodic verse that always makes me smile when I think about you. Grey, when I realize you will never know and the chance of “us” to happen is slim to none. Black, when I need all these feelings to just disappear along with the gust of the wind and never come back again.

And I guess for the time being, I have to just be happy to admire you from afar. Be glad that I can write out my feelings in here instead of mourning because I can’t seem to find the courage to actually show it. I’m here. You’re there. I’m the daisy and you’re the bumblebee that sucked all of the nectar in me and just go without anything left. You live in a bubble of summery season with all the flowers blossoms and the sound of mockingjay sings. While I live in a cold gloomy December with the heavy downpour and the sound of drizzle trickles into earth also with all those dark clouds always hides the sunlight.

I just am and you just are.

Tata.

(image: weheartit)

Voglio che tu sappia..

Everything is just so irritating for me tonight just because I can't talk to someone. 

Just because I'm awkward.

 Just because I don't know where to start

Just because I suck at making small talk

Just because I suck at flirting

Just because I think too much

Then the self loathing is back and ruled me

I'm 2 seconds away from a break down

I'm on the verge of giving up 

And let it go

And let him go

And let it forgotten

Despite the fact that..

I want it to happen

I want to be with him

I adore him

And I want to feel the feeling of being his

And the most important thing, I just want to let him know all those things

I never thought..

Stumbled upon this on the internet while I'm on tumblr 

and had this sudden urge to post it on my blog

Since it's kind of portray my feeling

Not kind of, but absolutely.

Its official, I'm screwed. Screwed in the nicest way possible.

If only.. ♥♥♥♥♥

A message for boys from Harvey Milk (or from me to you)

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really." - Harvey Milk

And my heart told my head "Let love grow" But my head told my heart "This time no.. this time no"

This love is no different than the plethora of loves that has been ensued in my life. The whimsical-ethereal-exquisite love that caused a myriad of feelings going through my heart. But the beautiful feeling that is not aligns with my head because my head told me that it's not going to work, it's not going to be beautiful like my heart told me so. It's not going to be a cosmic love that I wish to a shooting star at 2 am in the morning would happen to me. My head then told me it's unrequited love you are feeling. That I am just blinded by the intensity of it until I ignored the reality that he doesn't feel the same way. He doesn't even know. I'm always like that. Feels so consumed and overwhelmed by the emotion that I often just treasure it underneath the blanket  that guard my heart and keep it from breaking apart. I am in agony. Waiting for an epiphany. Waiting for the light to bring me out of this tunnel of love. So here I am. In the dark, lost, confused, but somehow in love. Searching for the love that I've been longing and wishing to find it in you. Should I listen to my heart or my head this time?