My review: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

So last week, I visited my campus's library and got three books to read. I have just finished one and it was Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I wanted to write the review right away after I finished the book but I've been really busy with some activities. They even took my weekend away :( but I think all those things are going to be worth it!! Okay so now I'm going to write down my thoughts on Lolita.
The first time I found the book and read the short summary, I thought oh so this is about a love story of some pedophile. I admit it I had a doubt whether or not I wanted to read the novel because just the thought of some middle aged guy fall in love with a 12 years old girl made me shudder but then I thought lets just give it a try because I knew this book was very popular and a bit controversial. Also curiosity got the best of me so I took the book.

It begins with Humbert describing his fancy childhood in Riviera where his dad owns a luxury hotel. Humbert has many experiences including when his mother is struck by lightning and also when for the first time he experiences a deep love and lust connection with a girl-child named Annabel Leigh. He experiences his first sexual encounter with Annabel and I think this is what makes him has this life long obsession with little girl.
Humbert receives an education in France and England then marries Valeria, who later on, leaving him for a cab driver. Humbert then moves to the US and spend his time writing and dipping in and out mental institutes until  he decides to settle down and moves in with the widow Charlotte Haze and her 12 years old daughter, Doloraze Haze or who he calls Lolita. And this is where the story gets interesting. Humbert, as the day goes by, can't deny his obsession towards Lolita but what I get from his point of view is that Lolita is not as innocent as other 12 years old girl because she is actually seduces him. You see this is where it kind confuses me because we don't know for sure if we can trust humbert's words. After all he has mental illness. But still to me its repulsive and wrong for Humbert to declares that He is the one being seduced and Lolita is also responsible for making their affair happens because Humbert should know better that having sex with a child is just so wrong and considered as a child abuse no matter if he is the one being seduced.
After Charlotte dies, Humbert takes Lolita with him and spend a year driving all over the U.S. Humbert with his crazy-sick-twisted mind success in intimidates and bribes Lolita into having a daily sexual relations with him. If you believe his words about how Lolita is not innocent, you would think that Lolita has it coming but as for me I still think that Lolita is an innocent 12 years old girl who doesn't have anybody but a stepfather who convinces her that incest relationship is okay because he "cares" and 'loves" her. Lolita is helpless, she can't do anything but to do what he wants because she has no one and she is afraid and the disgusting part is Humbert takes advantage of it. I'm glad that in the end Lolita manages to escape from Humbert. It tells us that Lolita finally realize that what Humbert do to her is wrong and disgusting. She is an unbelievably strong girl. People sometimes forget abut this fact.
I don't find one romantic thing from this novel like some people. What I find is there is this sociopath pedophile who lust after a 12 years old girl and use her body for his own satisfaction. It's a child abuse. And the way Humbert blatantly tells us that he is indeed a pedophile is disgusts me especially all of his thoughts about all those little girl and their innocence that can make him get off.

But to anyone who loves to read, I recommend this book, because this is seriously a gorgeously written novel. Humbert character and his sick twisted mind will leave you rendered speechless. He will fool you and makes you believe everything he says. But I suggest you to see everything not only from his point of view but also imagine if you were Lolita or just be the people who see this relationship from the outside.
So that is what I have to say after reading this novel. And one more thing that I want to say is that Vladimir Nabokov is one genius writter. Salute.

Tata, xx

:)

Enough

I just want you to know that I'm still holding on to your promise

 The only thing that proves me 

once there was something going on between us

Though, I'm not going to force myself into your life

I understand enough that you probably see me just like another

So I genuinely willing to just accept the fact that we don't belong

 But just so you know

I admire you enough to will always wish you the best.

Because I believe you deserves the best

You are a good guy

At least I know enough to tell them that

For once upon a time you were my life saver

I'm forever grateful

As about that promise, Once you told me that

you were trying to be a grown man

And you were going to talk to me to prove me that

I never once asked you to do that

So I still don't know what it was that you were trying to prove

Now I'm still waiting

But I care about you enough to understand

that it's almost impossible to happen

I'm stupid 

Because it seems like I will be waiting for nothing

But at least I have something to hold on to

For me, its enough.

Tata.

“The only real treasure is in your head. Memories are better than diamonds and nobody can steal them from you”

Hello.
I've been MIA from this blogging world and believe me, this time it was not because I have nothing to say. It was the other way around. A lot has happening in my life and this magical whirlwind is kind overwhelming me. I want to say a lot of things but also I want to say nothing. 

This time I want to share about my feeling towards some of my memories. What is memory? memory is something remembered from the past. A recollection of events that has been saved in your brain and can come up anytime you allow them to. There are good memories and bad memories. They can come up and haunt you anytime. Not only in your sleep but also when there's something that reminds you about those memories. I believe something become a memory because those things are stored in your brain as something special. That is why it can easily comes up especially when it's a good memory.

From the past week I experienced some events in my life that become quite memories to me. I still can't decide though if it's good or bad memories. Because when I remember them, I can feel really happy, wonderful, and sometimes can't believe that all those things happened but also really glad that all those things happened. But I'm confused as to why something like that only exists in my memory now when I know it could easily happen again in real life. What's the difference? I feel like I'm in twilight zone, and sometimes I feel so thankful to the person who gave me those memories for me to reminisce but also I want to strangle him because he gave them to me only to leave me confused as to why all those things happened then and can't happen now. You're probably really confused because I speak rather cryptically but I just want this to never become a problem to anybody but mine. Because those are my memories and even though there's someone who give them to me, I know that it's probably something that is not relevant to him or just something that is not worth remembering but obviously it's not the case for me. I still can go back and recall every single thing that happened in detail. Maybe because those things are stored in my brain as something special? I don't know. But do I really want to remember them as something special? probably.

In the end I feel like I should really be thankful for those memories. Because at least it happened once and I can still hold on to those things as long as I want to. Because memories are only for you to keep and nobody can steal them away from you. Maybe I should also be thankful to the person who gave them to me. It was unforgettable. You know who you are. Or not. Whatever. Bye.

Tata, xx

(For those who wondering the quotes on the title of this post is from Rodman Philbrick)

“People can tell you to keep your mouth shut, but that doesn't stop you from having your own opinion.” ― Anne Frank

I’ve been wondering about something quite a lot these days. Do people realize what an opinion is? Opinion is something that you believe in I suppose. An opinion isn't right or wrong. It's your interpretation of a subject or situation. People can’t be wrong to have an opinion. So for that, an opinion is not a fact. Each people have their own opinion. Something they believe in and something that they can stand up for so they will not fall for just about anything. You probably have noticed that lately a lot of people have been abusing their freedom on the internet. Just because it’s their account so that they believe they have the liberty to write about anything and people can’t do a thing about it because it’s their opinion. It’s true in some way. But sometime they force their opinion on people because they believe what they say is true and people should believe it too. They will preach and rant about something but in a way that makes people uncomfortable and feel judged. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. They believe that the people who are not hold or believe the same value as they do are wrong and they are right so they are entitled to “teach” us who are different with them with their rant and to me it’s just so wrong.

As for me, my belief, my opinion towards something, or my standard in something is just something that is only for me to know and hold. Well, it’s true in some way, in other way sometimes we also have to tell people our opinion in something so that they know that we stand for what we believe in, we have personality, and that we are not just some sheep that always follow another sheep. Oh whatever I’m talking about. You get me. People don’t need to believe what I believe or hold the same value as I do or have the same standard in something just like myself because I don’t expect them to and we can still be friends and I won’t judge them. I mean it’s nice to have the people who hold the same value and have the same opinion as we do around but I don’t have to force my opinion on other people so when people do, I get irritated and just annoyed. Opinion don’t have to be right to someone else but it has to be right for yourself because it’s what you believe in and it’s your interpretation of subject or situation and you can tell how a person view the world by their opinion. A quote from Mark twain that is so spot on “I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.” I’m not the kind of people who are just so easily follow and believe something that people tell me but I’m far from narrow minded. I am human and absolutely makes mistake. So I‘m always open for suggestion, opinion, critics, and new knowledge but at the end of the day, what I will take and apply in my life is something that is for me to decide and people don’t have a say in it because it’s my life. I honestly only value the opinion of people who are actually matter to me such as my parents, family or friends who are actually know me and care about me. Other than that I won’t care about what you say. You are who you are and I am who I am. So those people who are always rant about something on their twitter or whatever and acting like they are above people who are not holding the same value as they do are just annoying. And no, with your passive- aggressive tweet you don’t look smart nor do you look wise. You are just irritating to me.

There’s a quotes from Hillary Clinton that said “I also learned that a person was not necessarily bad just because you did not agree with him, and that if you believed in something, you had better be prepared to defend it.” So I learned a long time ago that I will respect other people opinion especially the one that is different from mine and not judge them because it’s their right to speak up their opinion and I want others to respect mine. We can agree to disagree in opinion but at the end of the day you just have to stand for what you believe in. But don’t forget to keep your mind open so that you will learn from other’s opinion and aware of your mistake. I just don’t want to be the kind of people that always forces their opinion on others and be annoying about it.

“If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. You know, don’t be the kind of people who are always have opinion towards other people’s life like it’s your job to comment on them meanwhile you don’t have the slightest bit idea of how to live yours. Just mind your business. Also people these days take this social media thing way too seriously. I mean, dude relax. And the anonymity that the social media can offer tends to make people say something without thinking even though their words can hurt people and start problem. Be careful people. Take it easy. These things are supposed to be a fun thing. And remember opinion is not something you can force on people. Just do whatever you have to do and believe whatever you want to believe in and cherish your life don’t care about other. “Don’t care” in here is not the kind of “don’t care” when you are being a jerk, heartless, and narrow minded. The last thing, I hope I make sense. Haha.

Goofing off!

My afternoon with the brother

We had such a long and boring afternoon, It could be seen by the amount of selfies we took and I'm not going to upload all of them obviously. It's kind of embarrassing to be honest but well we were that bored waiting for iftar even though I wasn't fasting hah. 

Excuse us. xo

What can I do ♪ ♫

It's the time. For soundtrack of the night. Yep.

Been listening to this song since yesterday. I actually just remember this song was the song that I used to listened to in high school and yesterday I was visiting my friend's tumblr  and she got this song on her playlist and then boom I was like "this song used to be my anthem in high school!" so yeah now I guess this song is back in my life and is my song of the moment. Because the song is awesome. It's so soothing and well the lyrics is kind of represents my current feeling. Ha.

Here it is: The corrs - What can I do

My personal therapy

In a serious need of a new journal.
Blog is great but I can't always post stuff in here because I don't always connect to internet, I still love the feeling of using gel pen and paper, and the last, sometimes I want to write something that is just too personal to type in here. It's not like I have so much reader on my blog or anything. Oh well you get me. Anyway there is just so much stuffs that I want to write but I have no journal because the last one is full already.

If you don't know, I've been writing on a journal since I was a kid. My first diary was when I was in 3rd grade elementary school and I still have it until now. The cover of my first ever diary is F4 or what you called Fantastic four. You remember them? That's right. Meteor Garden. Hahah. I got it from my teacher as a gift because I got the first rank in class. It started out as a silly thing. I would write about these random fact about my self and also about all my friends and their random facts. And as the time progressed, my writing turned out into something more personal. Like when I was having a bad day or when I was annoyed with one of my friends or even when I had a crush on someone. After that, writing on a diary or journal has become my thing. I was always have a diary so when I had something to tell I could always write.

Now, writing have become one of my personal therapy. Some girls find shopping as their therapy when they are having a bad day but I would just lock my self in my room, listening to my playlist and then write. It's not like I don't like shopping because I do. But not as much as the frequency of a shopper to the point that you call me shopaholic. Nope. I would just write. I would write about almost everything that happens in my daily life. My diaries are my secret keeper and the best part is they won't ever tell. Not only my personal therapy but writing is a hobby to me. I'm not only writing about my personal life. Sometimes I write about global issues that is interesting for me. Sometimes I write poems and short stories. I tried several times writing lyrics but it didn't really end up well so I stopped haha.

One day I wish I could become a writer and would find my own book on a shelf in the bookstore and have people tell me that my book is inspiring or I hope help them in some way. Just like some writers helped and inspired me with their book.